Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
