And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
