I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
