just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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