Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
