i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize