Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I forget how to act sober
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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