I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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