I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize