i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
