Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
