i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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