we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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