I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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