But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
