my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
