you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
