mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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