It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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