1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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