why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
