If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
