She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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