I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
