Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
