3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
