Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
