meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
