Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
