you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
