If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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