We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
