Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want a musical about memes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
