I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize