i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
