She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
