the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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