You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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