Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
