Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
