Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
