You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
