she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
