I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
