He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
