i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
