Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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