What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
