she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
