I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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