I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
