sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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