If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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