I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
