Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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