This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
