I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My balls are so social today.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
