she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
