My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
