I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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