Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
