When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
