Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
