it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
