I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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