You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
