i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
