the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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