she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
