Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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